are you so shy because you have an std?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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