I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
