non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
