This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
