So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
