I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize