somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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