I faked an abortion last night.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
