man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
