You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You can't just leave with hair like that
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Randomize
