Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
