Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
