I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
