I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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