Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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