It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The best revenge is premature balding
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
