What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
