I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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