jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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