Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
