I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I pour the whiskey from now on
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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