Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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