I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
