one might say we're banned from that church
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize