What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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