I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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