Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
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