I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
