Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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