check it out our google latitudes are spooning
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
