i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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