I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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