best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
