What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
