Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
