No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
