did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
