evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
