The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
