Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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