How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
