if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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