well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
