im holly from the hills drunk
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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