Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
