just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
