What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
