Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
