he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
