So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
