I wish they made helmets for livers.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
