DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
where am i from again
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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