He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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