The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
