I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
