He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
