Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
