dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
