We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You need Xanax blowdarts
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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