I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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