ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
