So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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