i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
