If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
