Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
