i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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