So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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