He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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