Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
