oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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