why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
