If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Randomize
