Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
